Well this chapter has ended -
Frank is now a thing of the past and doubt very highly that anything will ever become what it once was...
We had an argument Wednesday night on the phone. I went on to get out of control, drunk and high. Went on to post all kinds of bullshit on CL about him, everywhere, photos, phone numbers etc...That put an end to it. Thursday night when I got in, I had a a phone call from Air Canada Vacations, telling me that he had cancelled his trip and told them I did not have permission to use his Aeroplan, which was a flat out lie and he knows it, I have emails about that- Also Wednesday night, he started to crank call me, about a dozen times and denied it, though I have screen caps of the incoming calls etc. I am now going on this holiday by myself. There is nothing I can do other than lose $1000. My lawyer tells me that there isn't anything I can do. I did send him an email yesterday with the subject, "Final Say." I went on telling him that I hope our paths cross one day in the future, if only to say hello. How I felt betrayed at his lies but in the end we aren't good for each other in any way. I balled before I sent it. Earlier, I had sent an email with a video clip of him singing, this past summer. He replied to that one first saying, he couldn't open it and that I was told to not communicate with him and that my dream of "ripping him off" were over??? That is him trying to look like what he told the police or AC was true, we both know its not. Then he responded to the "final say" email and said, "thanks for your final say and have a great trip and all the best." - I wrote back and said, "thanks, wish it were different and maybe say hello when I get back?" - no response. So we are done. I am so sad about it but will take this week to rest and forget about him. I cant delete his shit yet as I cant. I don't now if we ever will speak again, but I doubt it. This time its for real, there is no forgiving what I did. I told him that you hurt the ones you love and I am proof of that. I bid him a farewell and now need to figure out what to tell people in regards to us.
This chapter is over...
x
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
What A Fucking Mess...
OMG what a fucking night -
Frank and I started email chat in regards to the trip, things like cash, power converters etc...eventually he made some joke in regards to condoms, a brand I'm sure is for "larger" men. Anyway I told him in replying to his joke, that I would need the "larger" - he wrote back, "Bitch" -
He eventually invited me over, for a bite to eat, he was going to whip up dinner. After a while we played that card game again, which I actually quite like...We started chatting after that and drinking. I have recollection of last night and some bits are blurred out -
I remember asking, how he holidays. Does he do excursions, lay on the beach etc. When I said lay on the beach, he made it sound like he doesn't do all that much of that. He did say or explain, that this holiday is "us" together going away. That should he chat to people or go another way to not get upset, that he isn't ignoring me etc. Mentioned that it isn't a sexual romp away. I didn't want that, nor did i need to hear that. To him, we are just 2 guys. I went on to say, "what if I met someone and wanted to bring them back?" He was sorta stunned at that question but eventually said, "he would go take a long shower" etc. We got on about other guys..meeting and not meeting, as I again had gone through his emails while he was in the kitchen and saw more of the same. I remember throwing a glass against the wall and his shock and horror at that. At some point he threw my purse out a window and it landed on a roof below. Trying and trying to understand. I remember talking about putting each other at risk, should other people be involved. I told him how by him meeting other people, and getting blow jobs puts me and him at a risk. He threw back that I was with Rob a number of years having unsafe sex, all the while knowing he was cheating in some form. I don't think that was or is a fair comment. I don't think Rob did anal with these guys - He wanted and expected me to clean up my mess, which eventually I did, getting down, vacuuming. He then told me about my bag at which point I went out the window on to the roof top and got my bag...which was cold and wet but I didn't/don't care. At one point, he wouldn't even give me any wine, as he topped himself up. After doing something, which I don't recall, he topped my glass up too. Which really isn't a good thing as I/we get too drunk and don't recall things the next morning. I remember looking at the time at one point and it was almost 3:45am, we had been arguing for well over an hour or 2, hell maybe 3. We went to bed, I don't remember that at all. I sorta think that when I awoke I was touching him in some manner. but at about 8:05am we got up and him in a fury, a rush. So still half drunk it seemed, I found my clothes and got changed - shoes on and a rush out the door. I said to have a good day, and that I was on my way home. He said, "not going to work?", I said no and walked off. I sent an email on the way just saying - If we were still on for the holiday. That in order not to lose cash and points, to just go, have separate holidays but away. That if he wanted to, we could ask for separate rooms. I apologised for last nights antics, though I think he should to - and left it there. I took a cab home. When I got home, I cried my eyes out in bed, thinking, what the fuck is happening, what the hell is wrong with me!? Can I go on this holiday? Do I want to..What about him. Yes, no...lose $$ - What a fucking mess -
x
Frank and I started email chat in regards to the trip, things like cash, power converters etc...eventually he made some joke in regards to condoms, a brand I'm sure is for "larger" men. Anyway I told him in replying to his joke, that I would need the "larger" - he wrote back, "Bitch" -
He eventually invited me over, for a bite to eat, he was going to whip up dinner. After a while we played that card game again, which I actually quite like...We started chatting after that and drinking. I have recollection of last night and some bits are blurred out -
I remember asking, how he holidays. Does he do excursions, lay on the beach etc. When I said lay on the beach, he made it sound like he doesn't do all that much of that. He did say or explain, that this holiday is "us" together going away. That should he chat to people or go another way to not get upset, that he isn't ignoring me etc. Mentioned that it isn't a sexual romp away. I didn't want that, nor did i need to hear that. To him, we are just 2 guys. I went on to say, "what if I met someone and wanted to bring them back?" He was sorta stunned at that question but eventually said, "he would go take a long shower" etc. We got on about other guys..meeting and not meeting, as I again had gone through his emails while he was in the kitchen and saw more of the same. I remember throwing a glass against the wall and his shock and horror at that. At some point he threw my purse out a window and it landed on a roof below. Trying and trying to understand. I remember talking about putting each other at risk, should other people be involved. I told him how by him meeting other people, and getting blow jobs puts me and him at a risk. He threw back that I was with Rob a number of years having unsafe sex, all the while knowing he was cheating in some form. I don't think that was or is a fair comment. I don't think Rob did anal with these guys - He wanted and expected me to clean up my mess, which eventually I did, getting down, vacuuming. He then told me about my bag at which point I went out the window on to the roof top and got my bag...which was cold and wet but I didn't/don't care. At one point, he wouldn't even give me any wine, as he topped himself up. After doing something, which I don't recall, he topped my glass up too. Which really isn't a good thing as I/we get too drunk and don't recall things the next morning. I remember looking at the time at one point and it was almost 3:45am, we had been arguing for well over an hour or 2, hell maybe 3. We went to bed, I don't remember that at all. I sorta think that when I awoke I was touching him in some manner. but at about 8:05am we got up and him in a fury, a rush. So still half drunk it seemed, I found my clothes and got changed - shoes on and a rush out the door. I said to have a good day, and that I was on my way home. He said, "not going to work?", I said no and walked off. I sent an email on the way just saying - If we were still on for the holiday. That in order not to lose cash and points, to just go, have separate holidays but away. That if he wanted to, we could ask for separate rooms. I apologised for last nights antics, though I think he should to - and left it there. I took a cab home. When I got home, I cried my eyes out in bed, thinking, what the fuck is happening, what the hell is wrong with me!? Can I go on this holiday? Do I want to..What about him. Yes, no...lose $$ - What a fucking mess -
x
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Tipsy In Cuba...
Well I hadn't seen Frank since last Saturday...Last night we chatted and I went on over.
The night started out fun...he was in the kitchen cleaning up...he looked so cute and I missed him, so I kept him company in the kitchen as he cleaned. He went on to tell me about some medical/dental issues and what not. At one point he wrote me a note, it said, 1. Holiday possibilities and 2. Etc...Not sure what it meant but was funny. As a joke I brought him those adult diapers I got as a free sample, as a joke, from these girls at work. It went over well and we laughed. At one point I said, "I don't know why I keep taking them from place to place every time I move." - He came back with, "moved? I know only of one, unless you're lying." I said, "I don't lie" -
We went on to have a drink or 2, he cracked out the cards and we played, "Hand and Foot" of course I lost. Even in those situations he is encouraging, "you're doing good", "that's a good hand."
Sitting back on the sofa, somehow we got on about weight loss, mine. He looked at me with a smile, and said, "Look at you, look how skinny you are." I'm shy in that situation as I don't like being told I look good or anything of that nature, in regards to my looks or body. but he went on on how Ive lost weight even since we've met. I said it was about 10lbs or so. He said how it shows in my face, how I have a totally different face from when we met. He took out his camera to try and snap a photo or 2 of me, to show me the change. I told him I don't like being photographed and we had a good giggle. At some point in the evening, he said, "Lets look at this vacation thing." To his PC we went, we looked at options. He sat next to me and was being sweet to me, its those moments I love and that make me smile. Those aren't moments I wouldn't share, with even my best friend, so to me they are special. We decided and booked it. Eventually, somehow, in regards to the confirmation email. I don't know how we got on the privacy of emails and I obviously said something wrong cuz a fury of anger flew around the room. I remember crying, I remember him telling me to get out of there, to leave his place, twice I remember. I went to get my jacket and shoes and asked that he call a cab. How I managed to stay, I don't know. It was such a great night and then that? I remember throwing myself in bed and that's it. I don't remember him coming to bed at all. But next thing..I wake up next to him, cuddled up against him. He got up first and went to make coffee. I got out and sat on the sofa, clutching a pillow. Frank said, "You always do that" I said I always have. He wondered if it was to hide my "fat" as it wasn't necessary. I said, "So, we going to give this holiday thing a go?" He hardly remembered booking the holiday. He said, "I don't know"..I said, "OK but let me know as soon as possible as its on my credit card." I went on to remind him that I charged it to my card and that we would redeem his points the following day(which I did). He then sorta made do, and got into it sorta. He said, "Going on holiday..." with a grin. He looked at his calendar and saw that he had already, last night, put a sticky note on his calendar. Then I said I would go make another pot of coffee, and he said that he could do it. I got up and said, "You got the first cup, Ill get the second, you can go get it when its ready." Off I went...second cup of coffee and some chat. Then dressed one more cuppa and off we went. Up the road we walked together and bid good bye at the top of the road. I did as I said I would do, and looked into the vacation pricing etc, and the hotel for the night before as the departure time for our trip is 6am. Sent him an email with the explanation and some links to hotels. I will see what happens. Last nights argument was about, like I said, privacy of emails. I'm not sure what happened. I remember saying to him, "you showed me those emails, you showed them to me." I remember at one point asking him, "how would you feel if I went out and got blow jobs from different guy?" - I never got a response, he was just quiet.
Part of me is thrilled to go away, period. Part of me is scared but excited about spending the week with Frank. See what happens, how we get on, or not for that matter. I don't know what to expect at all, and doing something like this is so not who I am, or was maybe. We have grown tight over the last few months, I think so at least. Another part of me thinks I can go without seeing him until next week, as long as we communicate I OK I think. I wonder what he is thinking about this, if anything. How will we be, spending that time together. Will we grow to dislike each other, or maybe grow fonder of one another? I asked for a hotel room with 2 bed for the stay overnight here, before our flight, will be odd. As well, I'm sure the room will come with 2 beds, so what happens? The norm, where we sleep together, all week? Then I think on the physical side. Last night things would have gone physical if the argument didn't happen. How will he/we, go the whole week without any sexual release in some form or fashion? My minds all over the place, in many ways. I'm happy to get away and spend the time with Frank all to myself with no intrusions. I wonder if I'm the only gay guy he has gone away with, I know his last holiday was alone. I mean he must like me to some degree to go on a holiday alone together. This is where my confusion lies. Why would he not go with the girlfriend? That wont leave my thoughts and wonder of the answer. I could go the way of, fuck it, its done. We will do our best to have fun and enjoy. I made a remark in regards to our departure time. "Leave at 6, get there by 10, drunk on the beach by noon." with a giggle. He responded, "ha ha, maybe you.", that speaks volumes to a certain point. Do we "vacation" differently? Things to do, things we eat....OK I'm going with, "I'm going away attitude." I'm trying to make it look that way, feel that way, as it is, just that I have the feelings not him, not in "that" way. Physical I think yea as he compliments me on it so much at times, and will touch me, feel me. I remember him doing that last night on the sofa.
I cant wait til we are tipsy in Cuba! ...
x
The night started out fun...he was in the kitchen cleaning up...he looked so cute and I missed him, so I kept him company in the kitchen as he cleaned. He went on to tell me about some medical/dental issues and what not. At one point he wrote me a note, it said, 1. Holiday possibilities and 2. Etc...Not sure what it meant but was funny. As a joke I brought him those adult diapers I got as a free sample, as a joke, from these girls at work. It went over well and we laughed. At one point I said, "I don't know why I keep taking them from place to place every time I move." - He came back with, "moved? I know only of one, unless you're lying." I said, "I don't lie" -
We went on to have a drink or 2, he cracked out the cards and we played, "Hand and Foot" of course I lost. Even in those situations he is encouraging, "you're doing good", "that's a good hand."
Sitting back on the sofa, somehow we got on about weight loss, mine. He looked at me with a smile, and said, "Look at you, look how skinny you are." I'm shy in that situation as I don't like being told I look good or anything of that nature, in regards to my looks or body. but he went on on how Ive lost weight even since we've met. I said it was about 10lbs or so. He said how it shows in my face, how I have a totally different face from when we met. He took out his camera to try and snap a photo or 2 of me, to show me the change. I told him I don't like being photographed and we had a good giggle. At some point in the evening, he said, "Lets look at this vacation thing." To his PC we went, we looked at options. He sat next to me and was being sweet to me, its those moments I love and that make me smile. Those aren't moments I wouldn't share, with even my best friend, so to me they are special. We decided and booked it. Eventually, somehow, in regards to the confirmation email. I don't know how we got on the privacy of emails and I obviously said something wrong cuz a fury of anger flew around the room. I remember crying, I remember him telling me to get out of there, to leave his place, twice I remember. I went to get my jacket and shoes and asked that he call a cab. How I managed to stay, I don't know. It was such a great night and then that? I remember throwing myself in bed and that's it. I don't remember him coming to bed at all. But next thing..I wake up next to him, cuddled up against him. He got up first and went to make coffee. I got out and sat on the sofa, clutching a pillow. Frank said, "You always do that" I said I always have. He wondered if it was to hide my "fat" as it wasn't necessary. I said, "So, we going to give this holiday thing a go?" He hardly remembered booking the holiday. He said, "I don't know"..I said, "OK but let me know as soon as possible as its on my credit card." I went on to remind him that I charged it to my card and that we would redeem his points the following day(which I did). He then sorta made do, and got into it sorta. He said, "Going on holiday..." with a grin. He looked at his calendar and saw that he had already, last night, put a sticky note on his calendar. Then I said I would go make another pot of coffee, and he said that he could do it. I got up and said, "You got the first cup, Ill get the second, you can go get it when its ready." Off I went...second cup of coffee and some chat. Then dressed one more cuppa and off we went. Up the road we walked together and bid good bye at the top of the road. I did as I said I would do, and looked into the vacation pricing etc, and the hotel for the night before as the departure time for our trip is 6am. Sent him an email with the explanation and some links to hotels. I will see what happens. Last nights argument was about, like I said, privacy of emails. I'm not sure what happened. I remember saying to him, "you showed me those emails, you showed them to me." I remember at one point asking him, "how would you feel if I went out and got blow jobs from different guy?" - I never got a response, he was just quiet.
Part of me is thrilled to go away, period. Part of me is scared but excited about spending the week with Frank. See what happens, how we get on, or not for that matter. I don't know what to expect at all, and doing something like this is so not who I am, or was maybe. We have grown tight over the last few months, I think so at least. Another part of me thinks I can go without seeing him until next week, as long as we communicate I OK I think. I wonder what he is thinking about this, if anything. How will we be, spending that time together. Will we grow to dislike each other, or maybe grow fonder of one another? I asked for a hotel room with 2 bed for the stay overnight here, before our flight, will be odd. As well, I'm sure the room will come with 2 beds, so what happens? The norm, where we sleep together, all week? Then I think on the physical side. Last night things would have gone physical if the argument didn't happen. How will he/we, go the whole week without any sexual release in some form or fashion? My minds all over the place, in many ways. I'm happy to get away and spend the time with Frank all to myself with no intrusions. I wonder if I'm the only gay guy he has gone away with, I know his last holiday was alone. I mean he must like me to some degree to go on a holiday alone together. This is where my confusion lies. Why would he not go with the girlfriend? That wont leave my thoughts and wonder of the answer. I could go the way of, fuck it, its done. We will do our best to have fun and enjoy. I made a remark in regards to our departure time. "Leave at 6, get there by 10, drunk on the beach by noon." with a giggle. He responded, "ha ha, maybe you.", that speaks volumes to a certain point. Do we "vacation" differently? Things to do, things we eat....OK I'm going with, "I'm going away attitude." I'm trying to make it look that way, feel that way, as it is, just that I have the feelings not him, not in "that" way. Physical I think yea as he compliments me on it so much at times, and will touch me, feel me. I remember him doing that last night on the sofa.
I cant wait til we are tipsy in Cuba! ...
x
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Respond To Me Please...
Well I haven't heard from Frank, at all, in 2 days which isn't kinda normal...even if he just were to send a one word email in response, but nothing? I called a few times, nothing, I emailed a few times in regards to this potential trip..nothing?? Has he met someone who replaces me? I'm not holding my breath on this trip. I called this morning and nothing?? I know, if he is home, he is up at this hour, so hes chosen to either ignore my call(s) or isn't at home. IMO not sure which to think or believe. Tonight I have plans with a gal pal right after work so Ill be distracted until my dinner date is done. I don't know why he isn't responding? He did tell me Monday that he was busy, but what does busy mean , where he cant respond to 1 of 4, 5 emails I sent? Or to respond or return any of my calls? Is it Katerina? Is it someone else? Part of me wants him to invite me over for some drinks and chat and when I get the chance, sneak peak at his email to see if any of these "email only" guys have actually become, in person friends, in which case, its over. The emails Ive sent have been all of a different nature. I asked about the trip. I asked if he needed a spanking(he he) Ive asked how his days have been, how or whats been keeping him so busy...nothing. If I don't hear of any confirmation of this trip by Sunday, I will have to tell him that I cant make it that week and potentially the next one if he can make it. I cant wait this long to give notice to work. I am a bit concerned and a bit offended by his ignoring me. If he is ignoring me, where is the attention or time going to? I know we aren't a couple or anything, but as friend?? Respond! Email back or call me or take a call. I know he looks at his phone and would see my number, yet nothing. I have to carry on with my day and not think of him...That is one thing I hate about him, his not responding. What happened to his pursuit against me, his telling me he wants to lay next to me and have fun with me? Things have changed dramatically between us...yet I know, the next time I am with him, I will feel like I have him all to myself, all the while, not knowing what hes been doing behind my back if anything. I need to investigate when I can - Call me..get a hold me - Respond to me please...
x
x
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
...But I Can Hope...
Only Tuesday, damned! Spoke to Frank last night, he was busy making estimates for potential clients. I called on my way home, and we spoke for about 10 minutes or so. Never has he spoken so much to me on the phone lol or so it seemed. Telling me about his work dramas etc. At one point I had to cut him off as my friend had come out of a store. I asked him to let me know how serious he is about this holiday as I'm dying to go away. He said he was as well and has to figure out this one job before he can commit, but he wants to go. I asked if felt like company and he said no as he was busy, in fact busy most of the week. He said to call him tomorrow(today) and we will chat and see whats going on. I'm telling everyone about this holiday, so I hope it doesn't turn out like last summers camping weekend, which never happened due to dramas. I'm trying to be cool about the whole thing, laid back as to make him comfortable and let him know I'm trying in this "friendship" -
This morning I sent him a good morning email, saying it had been a while since I emailed in the morning...I just asked if he slept well, and was busy today - I'm not expecting a response, though it could happen. I will come home after work, grab a shower and then give a call and see whats going down. I'm hoping things work out, I was a bit skeptical when we chatted last night, I was thinking, he is just saying this and it wont fly. I told him I was going to give notice at work today just so I give enough notice, that was sort of a pressure thing to commit or let me know. We will see. I look forward to calling him tonight and who knows,maybe ill see him? Not sure but I can hope.....
x
This morning I sent him a good morning email, saying it had been a while since I emailed in the morning...I just asked if he slept well, and was busy today - I'm not expecting a response, though it could happen. I will come home after work, grab a shower and then give a call and see whats going down. I'm hoping things work out, I was a bit skeptical when we chatted last night, I was thinking, he is just saying this and it wont fly. I told him I was going to give notice at work today just so I give enough notice, that was sort of a pressure thing to commit or let me know. We will see. I look forward to calling him tonight and who knows,maybe ill see him? Not sure but I can hope.....
x
Sunday, January 8, 2012
..A Possibility Between Us....
Well the weekend is nearly over. Was talking to Frank the other day about going on a holiday together, down south somewhere, Cuba or somewhere like that. He said we should seriously consider going and looking into it. I told him I was thinking along the same dates. I went on to call him to talk about this...I asked what he was doing, he said, "Sitting in my diaper" - I was taken back and didn't think he was serious, he was. I asked if he was serious about going away and said yes, I went on to say how the last few times I travelled I had to pay the single occupancy rate and it would be nice to save that for a change, going as double occupancy. I said I would walk on over and we can chat, play games and whatever, as he put it. I arrived and he answered the door in a dress shirt and socks. Up we went, he looked cute in his get up. He went on to do his Saturday ritual of nails and preening. I sat and listened to the radio and he went to grab me a glass of wine. We spoke a bit and then he wanted to play the game he taught me the last time I was there - He won of course. I asked him what he had on under his underwear - He had on a diaper, I told him to remove the underwear and he sat there in his diaper and undershirt. Apart from the diaper, he looked hot. He enjoys the feeling of the diaper against him, he would feel himself through the diaper. He told me he wanted my precum and my load in the diaper and I said no problem. He said how I precum allot, I asked how he knew, he said, hes known me a while...After a few games, a few drinks...with me sitting on the floor against the sofa, he came up to me, dropped the diaper and put himself in my face. The obvious happened for a long time. I would look up at him as he fed me. I felt his thighs, ass, spanking him now and then. Hearing him saying, "Oh shit....Man"...He was enjoying it as was I...I could do that with him, all night long. Eventually to bed and waking up this morning...arm around him, feeling him next to me is the best! We got up as he had to run to a job early this morning. I did glance at his email when he was out of the living room and again I found similar emails like I did last week. I have to go with, they are only emails, and not meetings, I hope he would tell me. I told him a few weeks back that I think he is promiscuous and he says he is not, so I have to trust him. That's one thing I don't have with men especially, trust, so, Frank, I need to trust until otherwise. I want to experience things with him, this holiday, summer days, winter nights, anything we can do together. I try to figure out why he is OK with my constant company, he likes me, I know. Why does he want to go on holiday with me and not the gf? - I wonder what it would be like, 7 days with Frank, all to myself? I have to press on about this holiday as I want it to happen more than anything Ive wanted in a long time. To travel with someone who I'm deeply attracted to, and someone who is somewhat attracted to me, and likes my company...would be awesome if it all went to plan. I sent an email this morning with a few holiday links and telling him that I obviously have an itch to get away...and that the next time I will give him what he asked in regards to the diaper...hopefully that comes across in a few ways, that I am open to sharing those things with him and that I have a sense of humor as well...I have the rest of the day to myself and wont be emailing him, rather wait his response. I will email in regards to the holiday more than anything and hope that all goes well. This holiday, if it happens, would be a dream come true, I hope....Never did I think this could be a possibility between us...
Friday, January 6, 2012
I Had A Nice Day Today....
This roller coaster of a "friendship" shows no signs of stopping!?
On Tuesday I was over, I shouldn't have, in my condition that is. Regardless my desire to see him, be with him over powers me. It was drunken night of stupidity on both our parts. The night before, I was over and glanced at his emails, from other men, and of a sexual nature and it put me off to the point where I told him I saw them. He said they were just emails, I didn't believe him. So the next day, I'm over, and I recall minimal. I remember at one point saying that he showed me the emails, and asked why. When in reality I looked at them alone. Anyway, I also recall balling and him telling me sternly to get out of his house. Being in my condition and not wanting to leave on the terms that led him to say that, I fought to stay there and I did. Very little apart from that is remembered. In the morning we were both in bed, it was 9:45 in the morning, we slept in and we never do that. I have no clue what time we were up til...As we got dressed and had coffee, the odd word was exchanged. I went on to get dressed and freshened up. I put on my jacket and put myself together. I said to him, that I apologised for anything that was said the night before and that I would not be bothering him anymore. Hugged him and shed a few tears and out I went. Miserable day was had, stayed home and sulked all day. I managed to not send him an email. I had a million thoughts and wanted to let him know but didn't. He sent me an email, early evening telling me that they have found his friend alive and in the city, but that that was all the info we had. The odd word here and there and it went dead. He emailed me at the end of his day to tell me how exhausted he was from notifying people his friend was still alive and found. I told him to sit back, chill with a glass of wine and all would be good. The next morning, yesterday in fact, in the morning I sent him a rude email/sexual email. I basically said, good morning and if we could get together for a shag basically. He replied later on that eve and with an, "lol" - I wrote back with an lol as well, not sure that was the answer i wanted to hear. He said he wasn't really sure what I was saying. He said he wasn't into shagging all that much, more of a cuddler, I said I enjoyed that as well. He went on to ask why I was proposing such activities. I told him, that I enjoyed it with him, but that he can easily say, "no." Then he said, Ive done nothing but complain or worse about our encounters etc. and that I was confusing him. I wrote back, "whats there to be confused about?
i thought u liked snuggling and waking up with me and me the same...that's all..." and a phone call was initiated. He told me how he was confused and I explained. He told me he hasn't met anyone and agreed with the whole being cautious bit. I went over, and conversation was easy. He did some work on his PC..and then we were listening to the radio, when they mentioned a word that Frank eventually looked up in the dictionary. We spoke a bit about us, briefly, but nothing new and we carried on with a nice night. He taught me and we played a card game, "Hand and Foot" I think it was called. But it was fun playing that with him, having that kinda fun time. I don't recall much about the rest. I t was nice though, no arguing or tears. Waking up this morning, I rolled over and put my arm around him, my leg against his butt. He took my hand and placed it on his stomach, and I rubbed him, was erotic. I would slide lower and cop a feel here and there. He stopped me at one point and I said, "yea lets get up." Out we went and he made coffee, a few times, when he was behind me for whatever reason, he would caress my butt with his hands, feeling the shape...was a nice feeling. Dressed and all, a hug and off we went. He bid me a, "We will see/speak soon" and down the road I went. I felt so good today, so nice and somewhat, attractive and nice. I wanted to initiate a conversation via email, but based on something we've spoken of, so I just forwarded him a, last minute vacation packages link, and made a joke. I got back this eve, "Interesting" and that was is. I told him it was tempting and how his day was. I didn't get anything back. About an hour later or so, after getting home, I called and basically said the same, that the weather will be nice this weekend and how we can do something maybe. I told him to email and hung up. So now i need to wait for him. But a million things run through my head. Is Katerina over? She called last night, and the called ended with him saying something along the lines of, "OK love ya lots"?? We went on about other stuff, so possibly she is there. They may have gone out. I keep waiting for that letter I sent to Katerina pops up, it has to...not that I want it to. I'm hoping she threw it away or it didn't make its way to her and now, its coming to explode anything I may have with him? So I am a bit, all over the place with thoughts, but try to keep to the positive. I think I left things, very simple and open so it should be OK...as long as "it" doesn't come to haunt me. I am signing of now with, I had a nice day today...
x
On Tuesday I was over, I shouldn't have, in my condition that is. Regardless my desire to see him, be with him over powers me. It was drunken night of stupidity on both our parts. The night before, I was over and glanced at his emails, from other men, and of a sexual nature and it put me off to the point where I told him I saw them. He said they were just emails, I didn't believe him. So the next day, I'm over, and I recall minimal. I remember at one point saying that he showed me the emails, and asked why. When in reality I looked at them alone. Anyway, I also recall balling and him telling me sternly to get out of his house. Being in my condition and not wanting to leave on the terms that led him to say that, I fought to stay there and I did. Very little apart from that is remembered. In the morning we were both in bed, it was 9:45 in the morning, we slept in and we never do that. I have no clue what time we were up til...As we got dressed and had coffee, the odd word was exchanged. I went on to get dressed and freshened up. I put on my jacket and put myself together. I said to him, that I apologised for anything that was said the night before and that I would not be bothering him anymore. Hugged him and shed a few tears and out I went. Miserable day was had, stayed home and sulked all day. I managed to not send him an email. I had a million thoughts and wanted to let him know but didn't. He sent me an email, early evening telling me that they have found his friend alive and in the city, but that that was all the info we had. The odd word here and there and it went dead. He emailed me at the end of his day to tell me how exhausted he was from notifying people his friend was still alive and found. I told him to sit back, chill with a glass of wine and all would be good. The next morning, yesterday in fact, in the morning I sent him a rude email/sexual email. I basically said, good morning and if we could get together for a shag basically. He replied later on that eve and with an, "lol" - I wrote back with an lol as well, not sure that was the answer i wanted to hear. He said he wasn't really sure what I was saying. He said he wasn't into shagging all that much, more of a cuddler, I said I enjoyed that as well. He went on to ask why I was proposing such activities. I told him, that I enjoyed it with him, but that he can easily say, "no." Then he said, Ive done nothing but complain or worse about our encounters etc. and that I was confusing him. I wrote back, "whats there to be confused about?
i thought u liked snuggling and waking up with me and me the same...that's all..." and a phone call was initiated. He told me how he was confused and I explained. He told me he hasn't met anyone and agreed with the whole being cautious bit. I went over, and conversation was easy. He did some work on his PC..and then we were listening to the radio, when they mentioned a word that Frank eventually looked up in the dictionary. We spoke a bit about us, briefly, but nothing new and we carried on with a nice night. He taught me and we played a card game, "Hand and Foot" I think it was called. But it was fun playing that with him, having that kinda fun time. I don't recall much about the rest. I t was nice though, no arguing or tears. Waking up this morning, I rolled over and put my arm around him, my leg against his butt. He took my hand and placed it on his stomach, and I rubbed him, was erotic. I would slide lower and cop a feel here and there. He stopped me at one point and I said, "yea lets get up." Out we went and he made coffee, a few times, when he was behind me for whatever reason, he would caress my butt with his hands, feeling the shape...was a nice feeling. Dressed and all, a hug and off we went. He bid me a, "We will see/speak soon" and down the road I went. I felt so good today, so nice and somewhat, attractive and nice. I wanted to initiate a conversation via email, but based on something we've spoken of, so I just forwarded him a, last minute vacation packages link, and made a joke. I got back this eve, "Interesting" and that was is. I told him it was tempting and how his day was. I didn't get anything back. About an hour later or so, after getting home, I called and basically said the same, that the weather will be nice this weekend and how we can do something maybe. I told him to email and hung up. So now i need to wait for him. But a million things run through my head. Is Katerina over? She called last night, and the called ended with him saying something along the lines of, "OK love ya lots"?? We went on about other stuff, so possibly she is there. They may have gone out. I keep waiting for that letter I sent to Katerina pops up, it has to...not that I want it to. I'm hoping she threw it away or it didn't make its way to her and now, its coming to explode anything I may have with him? So I am a bit, all over the place with thoughts, but try to keep to the positive. I think I left things, very simple and open so it should be OK...as long as "it" doesn't come to haunt me. I am signing of now with, I had a nice day today...
x
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