I Had A Nice Day Today....

This roller coaster of a "friendship" shows no signs of stopping!?
On Tuesday I was over, I shouldn't have, in my condition that is. Regardless my desire to see him, be with him over powers me. It was drunken night of stupidity on both our parts. The night before, I was over and glanced at his emails, from other men, and of a sexual nature and it put me off to the point where I told him I saw them. He said they were just emails, I didn't believe him. So the next day, I'm over, and I recall minimal. I remember at one point saying that he showed me the emails, and asked why. When in reality I looked at them alone. Anyway, I also recall balling and him telling me sternly to get out of his house. Being in my condition and not wanting to leave on the terms that led him to say that, I fought to stay there and I did. Very little apart from that is remembered. In the morning we were both in bed, it was 9:45 in the morning, we slept in and we never do that. I have no clue what time we were up til...As we got dressed and had coffee, the odd word was exchanged. I went on to get dressed and freshened up. I put on my jacket and put myself together. I said to him, that I apologised for anything that was said the night before and that I would not be bothering him anymore. Hugged him and shed a few tears and out I went. Miserable day was had, stayed home and sulked all day. I managed to not send him an email. I had a million thoughts and wanted to let him know but didn't. He sent me an email, early evening telling me that they have found his friend alive and in the city, but that that was all the info we had. The odd word here and there and it went dead. He emailed me at the end of his day to tell me how exhausted he was from notifying people his friend was still alive and found. I told him to sit back, chill with a glass of wine and all would be good. The next morning, yesterday in fact, in the morning I sent him a rude email/sexual email. I basically said, good morning and if we could get together for a shag basically. He replied later on that eve and with an, "lol" - I wrote back with an lol as well, not sure that was the answer i wanted to hear. He said he wasn't really sure what I was saying. He said he wasn't into shagging all that much, more of a cuddler, I said I enjoyed that as well. He went on to ask why I was proposing such activities. I told him, that I enjoyed it with him, but that he can easily say, "no." Then he said, Ive done nothing but complain or worse about our encounters etc. and that I was confusing him. I wrote back, "whats there to be confused about?
i thought u liked snuggling and waking up with me and me the same...that's all..." and a phone call was initiated. He told me how he was confused and I explained. He told me he hasn't met anyone and agreed with the whole being cautious bit. I went over, and conversation was easy. He did some work on his PC..and then we were listening to the radio, when they mentioned a word that Frank eventually looked up in the dictionary. We spoke a bit about us, briefly, but nothing new and we carried on with a nice night. He taught me and we played a card game, "Hand and Foot" I think it was called. But it was fun playing that with him, having that kinda fun time. I don't recall much about the rest. I t was nice though, no arguing or tears. Waking up this morning, I rolled over and put my arm around him, my leg against his butt. He took my hand and placed it on his stomach, and I rubbed him, was erotic. I would slide lower and cop a feel here and there. He stopped me at one point and I said, "yea lets get up." Out we went and he made coffee, a few times, when he was behind me for whatever reason, he would caress my butt with his hands, feeling the shape...was a nice feeling. Dressed and all, a hug and off we went. He bid me a, "We will see/speak soon" and down the road I went. I felt so good today, so nice and somewhat, attractive and nice. I wanted to initiate a conversation via email, but based on something we've spoken of, so I just forwarded him a, last minute vacation packages link, and made a joke. I got back this eve, "Interesting" and that was is. I told him it was tempting and how his day was. I didn't get anything back. About an hour later or so, after getting home, I called and basically said the same, that the weather will be nice this weekend and how we can do something maybe. I told him to email and hung up. So now i need to wait for him. But a million things run through my head. Is Katerina over? She called last night, and the called ended with him saying something along the lines of, "OK love ya lots"?? We went on about other stuff, so possibly she is there. They may have gone out. I keep waiting for that letter I sent to Katerina pops up, it has to...not that I want it to. I'm hoping she threw it away or it didn't make its way to her and now, its coming to explode anything I may have with him? So I am a bit, all over the place with thoughts, but try to keep to the positive. I think I left things, very simple and open so it should be OK...as long as "it" doesn't come to haunt me. I am signing of now with, I had a nice day today...
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