It Begins...

Ive kept several blogs that I never upkeep - This one will be different. My on line journal.
I'm 40, Italian, queer and live in downtown Toronto. Ive been single for about 2 years now
(See other blog "The Cheating Slag" for that piece of personal history).
The last year or so has brought on changes in my life, that I could never have imagined. I will document that at some point on this blog. For now this is just a normal entry. The start of something new. A personal project, just for me.
I was never sure what "single" life would be like after being in a relationship of 15 years. A true friendship gone wrong, due to infidelities and lies. Trust is a hard thing to come by these days, and anyone who knows me, knows the one thing I need in my life is people I can trust. People who are what they say, no acts or games. Having been single Ive met allot of liars, cheaters and other colorful characters. When I realize they are not what they say they are, I erase them from my life. I have however, met some real awesome people and am glad I took steps to expand social networks. I have some real great friends where I can truly be myself and that's the best feeling. That's how I know Ive got good friends, when I can be me.
On the "romantic" side of my life....that's a roller coaster in its own way. Meeting guys that are interested in me is strange to me. I don't understand usually what they see in me. I have no ego, I'm just a simple guy trying to enjoy life. So when a guy shows interest I'm taken back. Contrary to popular belief of the part of a few acquaintances, I don't go out to meet guys. I'm not and never have been one to chase guys. I'm more the docile one when it comes to that. When guys want to meet, via social networks and such, I am once again taken aback. I had a summer romance last summer that ended in pure and utter tragedy and am now able to move on, months and months later. Although I think of that guy allot still, its due to the circumstances that ended that "relationship" - He was the first guy I truly enjoyed being with with after my long term relationship fell apart. It was a nice feeling and some of it is written about in my previous blog. It took time to have the courage to meet new people. The first time I met someone after last summers dramas was scary and freaky to me. I did manage to meet and enjoy my time with other guys. The fear of meeting again is gone. I stand my ground these days and am glad Ive gone back to the old me. The old me is what I like and again, being myself is worth losing friendships/relationships. I'm currently interested in a guy who is a bit older than me, but fun to be with. Ive known him about a month or so. Meeting up with him always puts a smile on my face and its nice to hear that he wants to see me again. Of course Ive had the odd one night stand, but usually when i fall into bed with someone, I usually hope for something more. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm not wired that way. However should it happen, I will take the chance if i feel right about it. I'm done with worrying about that. Having friends is more important to me than anything. I have a good circle of friends who keep me grounded. I have different cliques I go with and that's the variety and spice in my life. I am looking forward to seeing where this new friendship goes, cuz for some strange reason, I want to get to know him as well which hasn't happened since last summer. I was afraid of being lonely when I first became single and that fear is no longer. Putting myself out there, open to new things such as friends and such, has given me courage to move forward and try things. I will end this entry here. I hope to maintain this blog as well, as a personal journal of my life. Ups and downs, good and bad. This here is my Queer Journal.
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