I Wish He Was...

Well last night I had a somewhat emotional night. I didn't hear from Frank and went on to email him. I told him how I miss him when we aren't together but that I know he has a life outside of me, as do I. I told him I feel like a secret sometimes, I mean that all good and dandy, so long as I know where I stand. I told him how I have enjoyed our time together, how I look forward to it and never want it to end, but that I feel he doesn't email me unless I email him. I asked in regards to meeting other people and I hate that I put that part in. In the end of the email I told him it wasn't an episode, its just a guy having feelings for another. He wrote back saying how he doesn't email much etc, that hes told me. That the rest has to be something we discuss face to face and yes I'm up for that. I told him how he told me the other night that I was "hot and funny", I know it was under the influence of vino, but hoped that it was genuine. I'm glad he didn't take it the wrong way or so it seemed that way. Ive seen the way he looks at me when I fess my feelings for him. I'm not sure if its a look of, "what have I done?" - "The feelings this guy has for me?
...I don't know. You know as long as he can tell me, I'm the "one guy" as we've spoken of before, then I OK. I just need to know. I could handle days apart if I knew he wasn't looking for others.
He said that the type of email I sent him was too much to communicate through email and to that I agreed and said yes we need to discuss in person. I'm always afraid that when I leave, it could be the last time I see him and that scares me, that Ill tell him. I'm glad he didn't lose it on me, I think I was calm about it, just expressing feelings. We will see what happens. I offered tickets for Friday and he cant make it, so Ill give them back. I know he is busy Friday so that's out of the question, maybe tonight or tomorrow? But like I said, I wont email him, apart from the responses I sent on this morning. So I await... I told him how I speak about him like he is so special to me, how I speak about him, like he is a "boyfriend"....and I wish he was....
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