Im Done With Him..Again.

I swear to god this has to be a joke??!!
Last night went over to Frank's, the last time I do that.
The night as always started out nicely, flipped in a movie...during it we chatted, but more so afterwords. It again got out of control on his part. Again he mentioned the CL ads to which upset me. On about meeting other guys for blow jobs?! Wtf! Regardless, to bed we went, he slept in clothes and me in underwear and undershirt. I did awake at one point, saw him there and wrapped my arms around him, felt his tummy which he says he loves. Again, we get up - and have coffee, I start, "another night of tears when I said I wouldn't.". "what do you mean" he says - NO recollection! I said that I was all good and dandy with drinking the night away, but things like last night, no more. Again no recollection, he asked me to tell him. I said, just like I have "episodes", last night, again, the second time since Sunday, he had one. Made me feel like shit, I told him. We began to speak of "us". I told him, how I see him as a boyfriend, my boyfriend. He eventually said, "I don't think we are ultimately suited as lovers." What could I say. Again he mentioned meeting as friends and went beyond. Ya it went beyond, cuz HE made it. I said to be platonic, it didn't happen. He said, hes tried, "not to sleep" with me the last few times, I said, "nice". Yet 2 days ago when you sat on the sofa next to me and rubbed yourself against me, that was OK? I told him I don't do that with "friends". He says, "maybe we can be friends" - As far as I am concerned, that's not an option anymore. I slowly took back things I gave him, like the 2 for 1 Grace Kelly passes, the dinner vouchers and the DVD I made for him. I would have grabbed the knife but had no clue where it was. I took back my shorts, telling him I was going to do laundry. He had the audacity to say to me, "I never saw you wore them." What!! I said what did I go in the bdrm to change into?? Only the last2, maybe 3 times I sat there in my under shorts otherwise, I was in my shorts!!! I'm so sad and angry! We left the house together, walked down the road, I said, "have a good day", before I realized he was going to the store down the road, so we walked together, silently. At the top of the road he said, "well enjoy." I just said, "yea." and walked off. I said that I invested 4 months of my time for absolutely nothing. Forget that I placed an ad looking for friends, we went beyond that, together and willingly. I recall telling him to not do what he did to me, to others. He said Ive been telling him for months that Ive fallen for him...When he mentioned not trying to have sex with me, I said just the other week, we fully got off, yet you weren't trying to sleep with me, be with me?! Its like I am at him beck and call, when he is horny. And at the same time, you tell me the night before about meeting guys for blow jobs. For a man who is knew to being queer, he certainly acts like typical promiscuous fag. I remember mentioning last night how I had to deal with Katerina, yet I say nothing bad as I don't know her from Adam, so I think I need some respect that way. She sucks your dick, then I suck your dick, that's the game. I will not email him at all! Fuck him. He has jeopardized a relationship and friendship. For that I'm angry and sad. I said that I think of him all the time and that's why I, picked up the knife for him, gave him dinner vouchers. I said, since we had listened to episode of, the vinyl cafe, that when I heard they were coming to Toronto, I thought he would like to see them and purchased tickets. That there was and is no motive behind that. I thought of him, thought he would like and I just did it. I would be so flattered if anyone even just a "friend", did that, yet to Frank its, "meh"??? I want to see if he asks me to go? I don't know if he will email me? Sunday when I left he knew I wasn't happy and emailed me. Same scenario today, and should he, I wont hold back. I hope he notices things I took, things missing. Ive told him how I am there for him, in many ways, yet he is OK to pretty much insult me right to my face? I feel like an idiot. He hates when I say I wasted my time, I said last night that I declined meeting people to be with him. Shit what more could someone want? I don't get him and don't think he understands or sees it. When Ive said certain things as mentioned earlier, at times, he put on this "really" kind of look on his face? Fuck I love him and I think I'm done with him....again...
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