Well the email went OK..I sent the one explaining that I want to be more intimate with him and that went over well, covered my butt and it fell through...
I went over last night and brought some wine, pot and a few little things that went over well, I think. I brought him that video I made but it didn't work so I working on that again for him. We had a nice initial chat. I asked about work, he had hurt himself, his hands and that he was upset at, I tried to encourage him that it was a one off fuck up and it wouldn't happen again. Talked about Charlie, his whereabouts etc. I remember at one point, him talking again about the CL ad and his name popping up on google search, I recall telling him to google his name, and glad to see that nothing came up in results. I did everything I could and told him I could have been an asshole and done nothing and let it be there forever, but I'm not and I didn't. I remember saying rude things to him n a sexual nature and that went no where. I'm so confused by him so lost in him. I sorta remember saying that I have met anyone since we met and have forgone sex of any nature because I want to be with him, I still got no where sexually. We spoke of going away on a holiday together but Im not banking on it, I would but am afraid and think it is only talk....I went off to bed at one point to awake a few hours later and find him, again, on the sofa, with a glass of wine in hand. I got up and joined him on the sofa...a but of chat and off to bed again. I'm not sure what to do with him, what I want him to do with me. I'm scared that it will/is coming to an end. I want him so badly in a physical way that I cant take it any longer. The next thing I remember is him saying, "I'm leaving in 4 minutes." and that prompted me to get out of bed and get dressed. He drove me to the top of the road which I didn't expect and was glad he did, I was a mess this morning. The last thing I can try is to burn this video and watch it with him and see where it goes. I'm telling you he had it off with the "mistress" and he didn't need anymore. It was nice to kiss him goodbye this morning, on the lips and I sent on a message. I will see what he says upon his return and hope that we can do something together....I await and see, as always -
x
Update -
I went on to send him another email just telling him that I want to be with him more intimately. I asked why we haven't in the last 4 months? If he wasn't attracted to me, I'm too fat or he just doesn't see me that way. I have a vague recollection of a chat last night in regards to that. That if he doesn't want to, then I may just look for it elsewhere, unfortunately I'm not like that but it is something I need on a more regular basis. Are we just friends who occasionally get off? I don't like that idea, that scenario so as I said earlier, I await and see what he says. I'm scared but have no choice. Not at this point at least, he is in total control and I think he knows it...
No comments:
Post a Comment