As Much As I Want Him...

Well who knows where we or this is going? I was invited over on Friday night to Franks house and great time was ha. We laughed and joked the night away. Drank, the both of us, way too much and up late. He drove me home and I sent him an email just telling him how wonderful I think he is and how awesome the night was. He was so sweet to me. I woke up so hung over, I don't even remember if I kissed him good bye. He did drive me home and we chatted a bit, was nice and sweet like nothing ever happened between us. He asked me if I wanted to go to Fela with him, tickets I had gotten him Friday for a show this up coming Wednesday, I said yes but am worried going to a "work" thing, who may see me with him etc. I will see when its closer to the day, what will go on. So I get home and am pretty much a space case for the better part of the day yesterday. At about 7 or 8 or so, we started our email exchange. Eventually I invited myself over, as dead to the world as I was, I wanted to see him again. He was talking about me coming over and being a "dom", I don't even know what that is, but went on over. He dressed in his "fetish" wear. We had fun conversation for the most part. He was going on about my weight loss. How he can see it in my face, how from the day we met for coffee to today, its an obvious change in my "look" in regards to weight. It was nice to see he noticed that and telling me I looked good. He is so encouraging that way, like no other. Eventually he went on about the ads I posted on CL. Again when I walked in, he was on that site, which I noticed. He tells me he loves me and cares for me which scares the crap out of me. We went on about the past dramas, I told him I thought Id come here and we would have a fun night like the night before, not to rehash any old crap, the clean slate syndrome. He googled his name and showed me an ad that still can be found on line and asking how I could do that, how it is out there for good on the web. I said I will do whatever I can to get it removed, in fact, Ive already sent on emails. Anyway, I was telling him a story about my weight loss, telling him how on my way home one day, my route, I bumped into Rob. He said to me, "I know you're route" - I said what. He said I know allot about you that you may not know. I was a bit taken back, what did he mean. He told me where I worked and how he followed me home one day. That was kind of creepy. I asked about how he found me last week at the pub, he said, I know, if one tries they can find. I was a bit stand off-ish and told him how its scaring me and he told me not to be, but being in my shoes and having the conversation we had had about days past, was kinda putting my defenses up. Eventually I thought I'm going to bed, it was almost 1 in the morning. He stayed up and made some comments to which I got out of bed a few times. He told me at one point I was supposed to tell him what to do being a dom. Like putting away laundry and making the bed, I told him I didn't pick up on that, that its not me to be that way. I couldn't please him that way and felt bad. Eventually to bed I went again and again he came to me in bed. We got up once again for a drink and a smoke and again he mentioned the same old thing. I told him I keep getting out of bed, but how he kept on being repetitive and how I was tired of it. How am I to move forward when he keeps reminding me of what Ive done wrong I asked. It was an odd night that way and it scared me like I said. We had such a good conversation going and he kept bringing it up. I decided I'm going to bed and he eventually followed. As much as I loved being next to him I was a bit on edge but managed to pass out. Waking up this morning to him next to me was very erotic and I went on the pleasure him and myself. It go very hot and heavy and I enjoyed every moment of admiring his body. Placing his hands on parts of my body to give me pleasure was so hot. It was a fantastic start tot he day for both of us. He seemed in a better mood this morning, not remembering half the night from what I gathered, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. We told stories of family and what not. Spoke of days gone by with family and dramas. It was nice this morning. At one point, just laying there on the sofa, watching him, looking at him and admiring him. Why cant he be the way he was this morning, all the time. Then there wouldn't be "episodes" - If he is who he was Friday night and this morning it would be perfect. I cant even talk about him cuz people at work think I should be done with him, and this I told him. I had a great weekend with him. I keep thinking if he were only dedicated to me, it would be perfect. I love learning from him, hearing his stories and thoughts on life, love and living. He is so different from anyone I know, in many ways actually, but that's what I like. He made some comment about not having been here in a long time, I told him my door is always opened. How I never thought we would be again, where we are. Sharing a bed together, sharing intimate time together, I love it and just don't want to get hurt. In regards to CL, I said to him, I hadn't put up an ad in over 10 days. He was talking to me as if to catch me in a lie. He said I had put ads up, which isn't true. I told him that he is the one who is always on it, looking to meet - he said, not to meet. I said I'm not blind, I see it on your PC whenever I am over. I mentioned a pop up I saw when we were at his computer together, and saying he is the one on these things, not me. I was and am happy with him. I need to see if he emails me today when he gets home. I know he is off to his sisters and will spend the day there. He is such an adorable guy and wish he wanted me as much as I want him.
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