This Chapter Is Done...

Well I'm sad to say that Frank's, "maybe", was in regards to friends, someday. He says we will always be friends. That we have gone through allot together, bit it isn't in the cards for him. "we" are not in the cards is what he meant Im sure. He wrote that he loves me, knows I'm a good honest guy.He tells me he is putting his life back together and how he too is grieving our loss, our end as more than just friends. I was real upset last night and was telling him that I have to live with whatever happened that night, that he wont tell me about. I have to live with the fact that I ruined this relationship. He tells me not to be in a funk and I went on to just say good night. He told me it wasn't good to go to bed with cutting the conversation short. I told him I had nothing more to say? I fell in love, I messed up and now I'm going through that process of "getting over" someone. He says one day we will have a adventure here or there, I'm not sure what he means by that. I told him how I cant hold, or rub his back, that it would be hard for me to not do that. He said friends can do that. No they cant, not like I mean. In the response to "wanna just cuddle" email, he said, there will be no hanging out, drinks or cuddling. It was along back and forth and I think he was just trying to console me to a point. I told him to email me whenever. I'm going to have to force myself to not email him. It is up to him. I wont expect anything from him until and if he remembers, when I send him those tickets, If he asks me then to go,. Ill tell him maybe, that it will be close to the holidays and anything can happen, I went on to bid him a good night, telling him this week sucked on many levels, but we carried on. He said our attraction was more than physical, that we went through bad stuff together as well and how that builds a "relationship" - but not what I wanted from him. That if I call I can have is what he is offering, I dont have much of a choice. Of course now after its all said and done with, I'm told he loves me, cares for me etc. I'm not going to say he is a player. He mentioned how we didn't get into that much physically and I told him I wanted much more but didn't want to do anything he didn't want to and went at his pace. He thinks of me as sincere and honest and wants to count on me as one of his friends, sure I said. He said at one point how, I was looking for friends. Well we obviously went beyond that, hence this being hard. I could tell a friend to fuck off easily if I'm stabbed in the back. A guy I was getting to know in the form of a relationship is hard, any break up is hard. Like I said I wont be emailing him. I have to stop. I don't think he will miss our dailies as he wasn't into in anyways, last night I think was different as he knew I was down, apparently so was he? He went to a concert yesterday, more than likely with his gal pal and that too bugged me last night. I wish he had listened to me when I said platonic. In a sad way I think he ruined part of us as that should have stopped and allot would have been avoided, the STI scare etc. I'm lost and sad this weekend and will probably do nothing out of sadness. Maybe I need this. I had such a small glimmer of hope. I told him I had false expectation and read his words and/or meanings wrong. My fault again. Anyways. This chapter is done....
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