One Step At A Time....

Well Tuesday night I stopped off at the pub for a drink. While sipping on my third cocktail I decided to send Frank an email. I went on using kinda reverse psychology? I told him I was thinking the last 2-3 days about his last emails. I went to tell him that I am fine with no physical contact. That after realizing how he treats his body(unsafe sex) I was ok with it. That the fact that he does/did that, sort of repulsed me considering how intelligent he really is. That is best feature are his hands, which are beautiful.I went on to tell him he wasn't the same or wouldnt be treating me the same and I am OK with it. I got a stern response saying his life is not that of a slut, that he engaged in activities a few times but has learned his lesson through out little std scare. At the same time he mentioned that I knowingly shagged my ex, unsafe, all the while knowing he was cheating on me and that he too should be more repulsed than me. I replied with, firstly that I was in love with my ex, how I always get tested and how from day one, Ive been honest. I told him how I was upfront about my relationships, arrests etc. He responded saying I never gave any bullshit, that I was upfront with him. My last email in return was that I liked him, that I don't understand whats happened between him and I and that Im distraught at our situation. He said he thought it was funny that I used "liked", past tense. I said what more am I to write, and he wrote back - Nothing, why don't you come by for a laugh. So I took him up on it. I grabbed a change of clothes and cabbed it over. It was so nice to see him. He was wearing black tshirt and dark pants with no socks. He looked awesome. He is so cute and Ive missed him. I thanked him for the invite and he poured some wine and we chatted.. He told me how he had almost given up on me but hasn't. We discussed things like emailing each other, and so on. Eventually we drank some more, smoked up some...and I had to go to bed. I went to his room and undressed, he made an "oh" sound with I took off my underwear so I slipped them back on. I wasnt awake when he came to bed, but awoke in the night with my hands on his tummy. Eventually I slipped them down his pants a few times and when I awoke I removed my hand but it happened again. He slept with his clothes on I think for obvious reasons. In the morning talking, listening to new etc - I looked at him and said you slept with your clothes on, he said he thought it best but remembers my hands down his pants. I apologized for that and he said "oh no don't worry" - I said, Ive come here now next time you come to my place. He hesitated and said, "maybe" - He said parking was dangerous where I live. I told him he could cab it like i did, bike or TTC and he said, "yea"...
Eventually I got up to go to work, hugged him good bye, thanked him and kissed him on his neck. When I got to work I wrote a thank you email. Thanking for the invite and hospitality in the morning. I heard nothing back til last night. He said he was glad he saw me, it was nice - that he was glad that he slept with his clothes on, but it was hot to feel my hands down his pants. I wrote back, "Yea sorry about that" and didn't hear back, then I wrote - "And anytime you want" - and nothing. This morning I wrote that I woke up way too early and had no coffee and that it would be a long day. He will awake in about a half hour or so and I guess he will see what I wrote and may/may not respond. I have to say I missed him so much that it was so nice to see him. He is beautiful. Staring at his feet and hands, looking at his face was awesome. Something I missed and wished I could turn back time. He never sat beside me on the sofa, nor did I ask him to like I normally would, I didn't want to be too forward, If he wants to he can if not I need to be OK with it. I am a bit sad about the whole scenario still as I wish I could see him more, its only been a day now, but when will the next time be, when, where and why. In my email yesterday where I thanked him, I said he could come to my place next time and that I would cover parking just so he didn't need to deal with parking tickets. I'm trying to make him understand how I am -
Will it get me anywhere, anywhere I wanna it to go? Will he see how nice I still am and not was?
Ill await his words and see what he thinks of....the whole thing, one step at a time...
x

UPDATE: what really bugs me is, that I know he is awake and he would have rec'd me emails, last night as a joke and this mornings but nothing. I dont understand why? He would normally, as he did earlier this summer respond to me but these days its not the same.
For that Im bummed - So I have to hold back and no more until I hear back -