What Is Up?

So I can guarantee that the invite on Friday was wine induced. I wrote him a few times, even from where I was spending the day to say that if he wanted to, on my way home, I can go over to "discuss" - no response. Nothing this morning either and I'm sure he is awake by now....I will just sit back and wait - Coffee is supposed to be sometime this week, if he has time, and if I am free. I'm telling friends of his invite on Friday and that I declined when in reality, I missed that email and part of me is glad I did, part of me is pissed at myself cuz I would love to see him as today is 2 weeks, well tomorrow, but Friday may have been different, may have been something Ive missed and wanted over the last 2 weeks. Keeping busy is my saving grace. Having gone to spend the day with my cousin helped, distraction, though I kept checking my phone, but nothing. He told me of a supposed golf tournament wkdn and I'm assuming that's what he is doing with his time, but as of late, his routine is to not respond to me, so today I'm hoping I'm strong enough, busy enough to not make the first move in regards to an email. I will leave it up to him as since I am out tonight, there is not way I will be in touch with him, nor will I tomorrow, famous last words. At this point in my day I will make my calls and then deal with my chores and like I say, keep busy. Most people I am telling the situation to, tell me to let him go. He is messed up and they are probably right. I was falling for a man that I was hoping would want to be with me, miss me and call on me for company and what not. Frank doesn't seem to be that guy. I wonder when and if we meet for coffee if he will look at me and miss me? Want to see more of me, see that I am a good guy, though he has told me that I am. I look back occasionally to the short video clip I took in Niagara where he tells me about a broken bridge. His voice is so sweet, I remember that day so vividly as hung over as I was, but seeing his face on that clip makes me smile and cry at the same time. So good looking, treating me so nicely - was a special day for me. A fun day that I hadn't had in a long time and wished would continue. For he made me feel special, like a good guy and that I am. I thought he was too...he maybe. I don't know anymore. He tells me he is the same guy, I wonder about that. Why don't you want to enjoy each others company again though. We don't need to fall in the routine we had...but at the least hang out..he says we can, but as Ive said earlier, there are restrictions, this is why Friday nights invite threw me off when I saw it in the morning. He probably didn't remember and when seeing my response the following morning he probably regretted asking me over, hence no response to my emails back. I will post this entry, make my calls and carry on with my day ....
What is up ?
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