Tonight We Will See ?

Well my sincere friendship with my fella seems a waste of time? Why wouldn't I get any emails? No hello, no nothing? I'm going to ask him that when I see him next. I am supposed to email him tonight after work and see what happens. If he hasn't rec'd that cheque yet, it should arrive today. He may want to get together to give it back to me? He may just send it back without a spoken word? To say I am real disappointed is an understatement. I'm hoping we get together tonight, I hope he wants to see me. Saying that my missing him isn't a dumb thing, would mean what? Will we get together and resume a friendship, or to see what will become of this friendship. I believed he was sincere, is he? I'm afraid that if and when I see him, ill be teary eyed just cuz I miss him so. Like I said, from daily email chats and visits to nothing, to being pretty much cut off? I would hope we have a fun time and that he wants to again. I'm hoping its here but doubt it cuz of the parking ticket situation. If he asks me over, then Ill bring over some wine and just that, nothing to spend the night. We may meet in a public place which I would honestly hate, but will have to take what I can get,if only too see what will become of him and I. I doubt it will get any better. I'm hoping when he sees me and if we have a good giggle, that he misses me. Even a few drinks in, if he touches me, will be worth it, but at the same time, that will be mixed messages towards me. On the beach the other day, I asked if I could get closer to him to talk, he hesitated and said, "I'm not sure what you are asking, to sit here, something physical...no." I was hurt at that, but carried on. If its the same situation then tonight, if we get together, will be the end. I can only put in so much energy. I have cried and felt like shit for the last week and am done with it. I will miss him immensely. If after tonight, should it happen, he doesn't email me until he gets or I get results, then I am done with him. Ill ask about doing other things together, I really have nothing left to lose. I will tell him that I'm OK with a FWB if only to touch him and be with him as I'm in lust with him for sure. Ill have to wait and see, all these possibilities and I'm sure something totally different will occur as that's my luck...Lets wait and see and what becomes of the end of the week, after this break? He said, before the whole scandal earlier this week, that he would take a break, is this what he meant? Tonight we will see...
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